Sometimes, we don’t know what we don’t know. We can’t see what has not been shown to us. Our past experience is not sufficient to explain what we are experiencing right at this moment.
Yet, if we listen and pay attention, we’ll see that we are in transition. We may only know it intuitively. We feel it in our gut.
People tell me every day that they are in transition.
Yet, when I ask them what they mean, they often don’t have the right words to describe it.
They feel a conflict between their sense of being in transition and the social pressure to be strong and cool.
We need to manage our transitions without conversation. When we talk, we need to be guided by a framework that helps us understand where our individual transitions are leading.
Squeezed is the appropriate word. It is why people feel vulnerable, rather than them feeling the desire to be vulnerable.
This is vulnerability imposed from the outside, by the structures of the world and their companies.
The kind that Chris Lister writes about in his FastCompany article – I thought I knew what it meant to lead with vulnerability. Then I became CEO – is a choice that we make to be a particular way. Lister is correct. It isn’t as easy as Brene’ Brown suggests. Though I’m not sure Brene’ is saying it is easy but necessary.
Accounting for Time
Our measuring of time is not by the clock, but by the attention that we give it. If we sit down and become immersed in a really good book, we lose track of time. An hour or two flies by, and yet, we feel time has stood still.
However, if we live with our televisions always on one of the news channels, we begin to see the chapters of each day divided up in 3-minute segments. It becomes exhausting because, in order to claim your attention, there must be an emotional hook. It is hard to have a long view of our lives when our attention and our emotions are being turned off and on throughout the day. It is difficult to know where we are at any moment.
To account for the time that our lives spend, we need to establish a long view. From this perspective, we can take our time, learn as we go along, and not lose ourselves in rapidly fluctuating emotions. We gain focus and commitment to fulfilling some purpose that we can only see as the end of the long view.
The other day a woman came up to me at a book signing. In a few minutes, she told me her life story. She had lived most of her life trying to please people. In return, she had received criticism and lots of advice that had not been helpful. Now in her 60s, she was beginning to see that her life was changing. She saw herself in transition. I asked her,
“Do you believe that you can be a person on impact?”
“Yes! I’ve been thinking about that,” she replied.